RAWR!
Some folk don’t fancy this column – but lots more dig it, and there’s one reason rule them all. When I first started carrying on like a metally porkloin, no-one gave a shit. Too right, why would they? It was just another tiny space in a big street press potentially written by a young neophyte with delusions of alterna-cool and no real idea. These days, I get lots of mail from whoever’s out there getting into this. Regularly, they have one thing in common: “Thank you for telling it like it is.” I gotta thank you right back for embracing that, full-on as the word can be at times. For a lot of people trying to get by on mediocrity and the industry’s tendency to bite its tongue in favour of keeping the networking peace, the articulate man who does not give a fuck is a scary thing.
~tobes
DEEESTRUCTION
A guy’s gotta have thrash. It can set the tempo for an enthusiastic wank like nothing else, except maybe psytrance. Unfortunately you do run the risk of ripping your dick off, but it’ll be a good coupla seconds to remember. I expect everyone to be masturbating when Destruction roll through The Prince Bandroom on Friday, November 4. The Germanic speedsters will be bringing along Mortal Sin and 4ARM , with In Malice’s Wake picking up the local slot. Stubs from princebandroom.com.au.
PANTERA BASSIST TO WRITE BOOK
Rex Brown doesn’t look like the kind of guy who reads much let alone writes, but looks can be deceiving. Why just the other day I was casually browsing isanyoneup.com for no reason and saw this really nerdy guy with a massive 10-inch pierced cock. That website is fucked. Anyway, Brown has apparently inked a deal with De Capo Press to put out Official Truth, 101 Proof: The Inside Story of Pantera. Interesting. Didn’t Phil Anselmo just say he was gonna write a tell-all tome of his own? Even Guitar World scribe Nick Bowcott is penning a novel about the life ‘n times of Dimebag. What the. Fuck you, I’m gonna write my own Pantera book, too.
OZZY ALSO WRITES A FUCKIN’ BOOK
Alright. What’s going on here. I didn’t think anyone read anymore, and I also keep hearing that books are now shit and useless and everyone’s just playing Angry Birds on their iPads. Thankfully Ozzy Osbourne’s not listening, and has just put out a self-help book (!) entitled, Trust Me I’m Dr. Ozzy. No I am not making this up. It exists. It’s actually pretty helpful. I’ve since quit smoking, drinking, and droking, which is when you get so desperate for both you tip the dregs of everyone’s beers into the table’s communal ashtray and scarf the result.
LACUNA COIL ARE TRIPPING
Those enduring Italian alt-metallers Lacuna Coil are now streaming Trip the Darkness over on the YouTube machine, so hits its ups if Cristina Scabbia’s giant man-hands don’t fill you with the same horrible kind of dread you sometimes feel when shaving your coin purse. Trust me, shave it, they’ll get loads more attention. The album of the same name’s out at the end of January next year.
11 ½ MINUTES OF NE OBLIVISCARIS
The last time I heard something fresh out of the Ne Obliviscaris camp was something like five years ago, but they’re totally making up for lost time. Go check out facebook.com/NeObliviscarisBand to hear all 11 ½ minutes of And Plague Flowers the Kaleidoscope, taken from their belated new album Portal of I. They’ll be showing off the rest of it this Sunday at Eurotrash from 7pm with a listening party ahead of its 2012 release.
TRIPLE TOBES UNEARTHED
Brisbane’s own Thrall (thrallofvoid.com) love them some black metal that is way blacker than that other black metal, and to prove it, they’ve just put out their second record Vermin to the Earth. Slither over to vermintotheearth.bandcamp.com/ and scope that heathen clatter.
STAMP YA HAND
This Saturday over at the Northcote Social Club, The Doomsday Fest will be smoking up Melbs with the doomiest doom that ever doomed. Visiting slowtokes Cough are headlining the bong-rattle, with D.usk, Clagg, Looking Glass (great Canberran crunch), Summonus, Hydromedusa, Sons of the Ionian Sea, Mother Mars, and Wurms rounding out a big day of heavy haze.
GET A DISC UP YA
Anathema – A Natural Disaster [2004|Koch Records]
This week I’ve been cheerily reminded that I’ve never said a word on Anathema. For shame. He also said my writing was prone to “EXCESSIVE FUCKIN’ FLOURISHES.” Can you believe this guy? What a grandiloquent practitioner of macroherpetophilia (sex with giant lizards). I was upset, so I listened to this record. Currently contemplating beautiful suicide.
FEEDBACK
It is true tv serials fucking suck in the 3-4 season. The best ones ever are the ones that never even reach that point, like Carnivale and Twin Peaks and Sarah Connor Terminator Chrons. Except then you don’t get the whole story and you WANT a season 3. Btu it’d be crappy anyway, right? RIGHT?! AAAAAHHHHHHh
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Halp
The memory of Carnivale opens old, incomplete wounds. I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.
~tobes
