Metalocalypse – November 9, 2011

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Metalocalypse – November 9, 2011



Do you remember Coal Chamber? Maybe you do, but I bet you don’t remember exactly how big they were in their heyday (about ’97 or thereabouts). I recently had quite the candid sit-down with Dez Fafara, and the man put the band’s history in the kind of perspective I’ve never really considered before: “Coal Chamber took Slipknot on their first United States tour ever;System Of A Down opened for Coal Chamber for four years in LA before they even had a record deal; Coal Chamber took Machine Head out in the United States, and Machine Head took Coal Chamber out in Europe back then.”

And what was their undoing? Delicious metamphetamines. Cautionary tale. They’re back together and convening on Soundwave (and Australia, for the first time), but who knows how long the reunion will last? Dez wouldn’t say. Good reason to get up front for Big Truck on the even bigger day.



All Shall Perish are heading over this way for a stab at The Corner Hotel on Thursday, December 1st. Resist The Thought are jetting up from Syds to go along for the Aus-wide ride too, and they’ve been making a few breakdown-related waves as of late (serious, though: Haven’t you had enough of breakdowns? How many times can people hear multiple bands play the same shit and go WOO? Drugs, you say). Tix are from


It’s sometimes difficult to conceive of GWAR as actual, living, breathing people underneath all that prosethetic monster rubber and hardline piss-takery, but a sad reminder of everyone’s mortality came earlier last week. 34-year old guitarist Flattus Maximus – real name Cory Smoot – was found dead by his bandmates on their tour bus as they prepared to cross over into Canada. Bravely, the boys went onto finish their shows with only Mike Derks on guitar.

“It is with a sense of profound loss and tragedy that the members of GWAR must announce the passing of their longtime guitarist and beloved friend Cory Smoot, also known to thousands of metal fans worldwide as Flattus Maximus. Cory was found deceased this morning as the band prepared for a border crossing,” wrote the band. “There is no word as to the cause of death and the members of GWAR are completely shocked and devastated that this has occurred.”


What. The. Shit. The universe has gone mad. Bet you anything Metallica‘s inset circle of baying yes-men enablers are telling them how fantastic Lulu is, and they’re saying it loud enough that easily-led ears start nodding their heads. How else can you explain the fact that epic Black Swan man Darren Aronofsky has inexplicably signed on to create the music video for Iced Honey? This record is one of the greatest debacles in modern music. What is this I don’t even-


Not sure how this all came to pass, but Mayhem bass player Necrobutcher somehow wound up on live Norwegian television being “exorcised” by so-called evangelist, Bob Larson. It happened a while back, but now the footage has finally found its way online we can witness the spectacle for ourselves. Tap “Bob Larons vs. Mayhem’s Necrobutcher!” into the ‘Tube. It’s about thirty minutes long. Skip to the 22-minute mark to see the bit where demons start crawling out N-Butch’s appendix scar. I may be making shit up right now.


It’s not being widely reported, but just las week a Boeing 767 spectacularly crash-linded on its descent into Warsaw. Warsaw. That’d be the home of Decapitated, coincidentally, who also happened to be on this plane. Someone in that band must have some major terribad karma stored up, but luckily they managed to escape unharmed from this particular incident (you can see footage of the crash here: You’re probably well aware of this, but Decap were also involved in a 2007 bus crash that took the life of drummer Vitek and left vocalist Covan in a coma that he has yet to recover from.


Coal Chamber – Coal Chamber [1997|Roadrunner]

Most of it is horribly, horribly dated nowadays, but that’s also what makes this bare-bones debut such a bookmark in the wordless novella that was nu-metal. You will still lose your shit to Loco just like you done did when you were a dickhead teenager with crappy green hair dye that leaked down your scalp on hot days. Guaranteed.


Even humble house cats think Metallica‘s Lulu is shit-arse awful. Chuck “Cat Reacts to Lulu ‘The View'” into YouTube and get the most piercingly honest review of the album that you’ll ever hear. All music should just be reviewed by fuckin’ cats.


FUCK. I really wanted to see Gwar play one day. ~rages about a human beings death in terms of his own thwarted selfish desires~

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