The Scarlets question The Dead Love…
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The Scarlets question The Dead Love…

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“Do Smirnoff make a kebab-flavoured vodka? I can’t remember what it tasted like going down, but it definitely tasted like kebab coming back up.”

Speaking of throwing up alcohol, did you know the Dutch actually have a word for waking up still drunk from the night before? Aside from free entry to our show, what other amazingly generous prizes should we give the first person to post it on our Facebook wall?

“We will give away a free CD and romantic evening for two with our drummer Gene (this offer is subject to change as we have not run it past his girlfriend).”

I Am Duckeye are on before you guys. The dirtiest anagram I could find of their band name is ‘I, A Cum Dyke’. Do you think a name change to that would bring more freaks than their current gig flyer of a dog humping a duck? (It actually is – I can’t make this shit up, I’m not that funny)

“A name change like that could bring up some confronting results for anyone trying to find them on Google. But yes, I have seen this poster and I am slightly concerned about the nature of their performance and deeply concerned for the duck.”

If you could put two current recording artists in a blender and force-feed the resulting goop to another, who and why?

“I would smoothie up Jack White and Beth Ditto because that would be delicious. Then I would force feed it to Lady Gaga so her next film clip could be Jack White and Beth Ditto climbing out of her arse and who wouldn’t want to see that!?”

Nick suggested I make a smartarse comment about you guys being from Sydney. He forgets that I also am from Sydney. How should we get back at him?

“I say we torture him Sydney style. We tie him to a chair and force him to watch hours of NRL.”

Men puzzle me in many ways. One thing that never fails to blow my mind is their compulsion to draw dicks on things. WHY do you do this?!

“I once lived with a football-playing lesbian. I came home one night to a an entire woman’s football team and a collage of hand-drawn dicks in my kitchen. When I asked her why, she said ‘everyone likes dicks’. Explain me that!”

Our show is on a Friday night, is easily accessible by public transport, is in a metropolitan hub, has four kickarse bands playing, is at an awesome venue with decent drinks prices and free entry. What kind of a losery tightarse would you have to be to not go?

“I would go as far to say that if you are not there on Friday night, you must be some kind of closet Bieber loving loser.”

The Dead Love throw it back at The Scarlets…

Some performers like to settle their nerves with a good pre-show yak. What kind of pre-show ritual will you be doing on Friday night and can we watch?

“We go into a naked metaphysical trance, and usually don’t remember much afterwards. You can watch, but I’ve heard you need nerves of steel to stomach the spectacle.”

An anagram for Jackson Firebird is ‘Jerk In Disco Barf’. Are you expecting any disco vomit on Friday night and if so, how can we avoid stepping in it?

“When you hit the stage, check if the mirrorball is intact. If it isn’t or worse, there is no mirrorball, play the brown note. That way at least you’ll be walking in your own filth and not some little jacked up club kid’s.”

For new punters who haven’t heard The Scarlets yet, what three artists would you reference your sound to?

“Realistically our three big ones no one’s heard of… so put it this way: if you don’t like female rock singers you’ll probably like us.”

The original scarlet woman was The Whore of Babylon, whose downfall was prophecised to be at the hand of a beast with seven heads and ten horns. If this beast should appear, what weapon do you intend to use to fight the beast?

“I can’t express my lady boner at finding another person who’s actually read the Bible. It’s my favourite storybook!”

Last year The Scarlets supported Bon Jovi. I’ve always wondered, is Jon Bon Jovi as dreamy in real life?

“As my sister – who only ever gets out of bed for massive, chiseled Samoan hunks – said ‘Faark… he’s pretty hot for an old dude’.”

The Scarlets have a nice gender equilibrium. Another famous mixed gender band are ABBA. How do you feel about Swedish pop and Lycra?

“I feel even better about fierce misogynistic German men with flamethrowers… pointed at said mixed gender Swedes.

In emergency situations, should you cut the red wire or the green wire?

“Fuck the wires, cut a rug. DANCE! Doo doo doo, nothin’ left for me to do but DANCE!”