Packing out a large venue like 170 Russell is no mean feat for any band but when your entire back catalogue consists of songs only about the hair growing out of your cheeks it’s damn unthinkable. Well, the unthinkable happened last Friday night when The Beards played the Melbourne leg of their tour launching their fourth record The Beard Album. It was a sweaty dungeon of big bushy beards on men and women joining each other to celebrate the joy they had found in beards.
Opening the night was the comedy stylings of Frankie Walnut, who has been sharing the tour van with The Beards all around the country. There are few people that can blend comedy and music into a loving relationship and Walnut is thankfully one of them. A native of Toowoomba, his songs are soaked in dinky di attitude and the affable humour of your local publican.
The second supports were toted on the website as a Mystery Band with the mystery growing ever bushier when the venue line-up sheet listed them as Clungebusters. With a name like that there’s a lot to live up to but a surprise was in store as the lads from Kingswood moseyed their way on stage. There was restlessness in the crowd as the bearded many knew their lords would soon be appearing and the band seemed to fall a bit flat on everyone. However their cover of QOTSA’s Feel Good Hit of the Summer brought the crowd back to them as a flurry of beards broke out at the front of the stage.
As people packed closer in to each other chants of ‘beards, beards, beards’ broke out all over the room and shyness took a back seat as grown adults stroked each other’s beards and rubbed cheeks. The chanting of the crowd was soon backed up by the intro to I Like Beards pumping out of the speakers and the bearded ones strutted on stage. Despite the novelty content of the songs, there’s a great musicianship behind every one, which is why you may laugh at first but soon find the tunes firmly planted in your hippocampus.
The classic tracks were all given an airing including If Your Dad Doesn’t Have a Beard You’ve Got Two Mums, Sex with a Bearded Man and Beard Accessory Store. Of their newer material The Bearded Pledge was easily the standout track with Johann Beardraven pledging his life to the cause as he thrust his beard forth for the lucky few in the front to cop a feel.
It’s amazing how the simple idea of growing a beard sprouted into an almost ten-year career and four albums’ worth of material. They seem in no danger of slowing down with overseas tours to come getting them closer to accomplishing their mission of destroying all clean chins everywhere.
BY RHYS MCRAE
Loved: Beard love.
Hated: Clean chins.
Drank: White wine spritzers.
