In Shane Maloney’s introduction to the 2012 reissue of Boyd Oxlade’s seminal, 80s-appropriately despicable and dirty Death in Brunswick, he says: “Scratch beneath the hipster bars and snazzy apartment blocks, and you will find, not far below the surface, that [the grime of the book] still haunts the place–conniving, paranoid and laughing grimly up its sleeve.”
It reminds me of the last time I’d been to the Bergy Seltzer, over a year ago, in between lockdowns. It was a comedy night and among the people who got up were: a hopeless young fella who shit the bed and couldn’t remember his jokes, a trans comedian who mined her own life experiences in what was the funniest performance of the night, and some pretty drunk bloke who told a non-sequitur that ended with reference to fisting a dead possum (the resultant groans and shocked laughs were the biggest crowd reaction of the night. This writer’s response will stay off the record).
Something for everyone. A true location for the people that Brunswick used to know better, laughing more than grimly into their drinks. No bullshit, just BS.
Live music and comedy take’s place in an elevated room to the side of the bar that makes the venue’s stage. With the lights and fog machine effects making whoever’s playing appear like they’re trapped in an old timey television, it gives any gig there a truly unique feel, like staring into an artist’s picture frame.
Famous for having the feel of a quintessential drinking hole; it’s a no-frills speakeasy, divey, local favourite. That and their Monday comedy nights.
Infamous for their strange name – apparently a Bergy Seltzer is the sound that an iceberg makes when it melts (similar like the sound of pouring a drink over ice)
A laid-back vibe with cocktails and great beers on tap, The Bergy Seltzer is home to live music and free comedy every week. A small, skinny bar in a small, skinny suburb, this dive bar hosts some great up and coming Melbourne acts. Complete with a classic beer garden, it’s an escape from the hustle and bustle of Sydney Road.
With music played from classic albums on vinyls, it’s remained loyal to the roots of an ever-gentrifying Brunswick. With a relaxed vibe, cosy beer garden and a hideaway upstairs lounge, it’s easy to see why this is a local favourite.
The guys who run the Bergy Seltzer are the former masterminds behind the Brunswick Hotel, which was rudely taken off their hands after a nasty flood and a dispute with the landlord, just shy of their 10th anniversary.
The Bergy Seltzer is the latest up-and-coming sanctuary for artists and musos
“[The BS is] a lot more personal for me. The Brunny… it was loud, you weren’t really talking to anyone – especially when you’re going ‘til five in the morning,” owner David “Frankie” Cudmore told us.
”You don’t really want to talk to anyone. Whereas this is a lot more approachable. We get a lot of locals and we can have a chat.
“It’s a better challenge to get more out of your customers instead of just trying to fill the joint.”
Beloved Brunswick bar The Bergy Seltzer on their exciting new venture into the world of pies
Head to The Bergy Seltzer on 68 Sydney Road, Brunswick. They’re open from 4pm ‘til 1am, every day.