If Melbourne were a verb, what would it mean?
An inability to cope with poor coffee and criticism.
Your partner allows you to sleep with one celebrity. Who do you choose and why?
Paris Hilton. She’s not picky, so I might be in with a chance. Protection a must.
You’ve just been made Prime Minister of Australia after a bizarre, yet strangely believable, series of events. What’s do you do first?
Make Tony Abbott swim to Indonesia.
What’s the funniest heckle you’ve heard?
Me to Audience Member: “Tell me champ, what do you do for a living?”
Audience Member: “I’m a comedian. What do you do?”
Me: (massive awkward pause) “Thanks Dad.”
It was actually my dad, and during a show. The first time I had ever hosted a comedy show, and it was the first time I’d ever spoken to the audience.
If you could write the eulogy for your own funeral what would you say about yourself?
Sorry for interrupting. Enjoy the free booze. Avoid the sausage rolls. That’s what landed me here.
Some rad Melbourne restaurant is naming a dish after you. What is it?
Minimum chips. Which I invented, but nobody ever believes me.
What’s the best advice you’ve gotten form another comic?
It’s never the fault of the audience. And stop doing that joke about minimum chips.
Where can we see you perform next?
New one hour show White Trash at the Butterfly Club, 204 Bank St, South Melbourne from Nov 22-25 at 9pm, Thurs to Sat (8pm Sun). Tickets from thebutterflyclub.com or at the door.
Where can we follow/stalk/find out more about you?
xaviertoby.com
