Newly-sober stand up comedian Randy has made a series of claims that include explosive allegations and shock revelations. Speaking from the inside of a cow, Randy gave these exclusive scoops to Beat, and we have not bothered to substantiate or verify them in any way.
“I am currently sitting in a small tee-pee style tent in a paddock in Sale,” Randy says at the start of our phone interview, explaining he is there to think, write and learn his script for his upcoming Melbourne Fringe show The Last Temptation of Randy. The make-shift structure, he says, is “made from cowhides, and just has a three-pronged stick arrangement”. Did he construct this retreat with his own tiny fabric arms?
“Absolutely. Maybe you have visions of it being a grand sort of large tee-pee with enough room for a fire but it’s probably only 700mm off the ground, so it’s not even a metre high. I just crawl in there like a frightened dog and learn my script. Me and a torch inside a dead cow,” he says.
Randy has been a regular fixture at festivals in Melbourne, Adelaide and Edinburgh plus is no stranger to having his purple felt face appear on television screens. The Last Temptation of Randy is the third instalment of a trilogy that began with Randy’s Postcards from Purgatory and this year’s Melbourne International Comedy Festival offering, Randy Is Sober. All three shows have been directed by Alex Papps. “I met him on a cruise ship in Vanuatu, I was doing table-to-table close up magic and he was there as part of a Home and Away reunion tour,” the puppet recalls.
However, a raucous late night card game led to the pair being kicked off the boat. “They left us in port because we were being ‘too obnoxious’ so we ended up having to live in this little cabana on this beach in Vanuatu, stranded for two weeks and we became very good friends. Ate a lot of pineapple.”
Randy has also worked extensively with musical comedian Sammy J at past festivals but why not for this Melbourne Fringe? “He has a terminal illness and so it’s making it difficult for us to spend a lot of time together,” claims Randy. “He just doesn’t have time for the Fringe festival. That being said, he is doing his own show”.
“The 50 Year Show should be good and unless it goes into remission, this could be his last 50 Year Show so I think it’s definitely one to come check out,” Randy says of Sammy J’s concept show, which is being performed once every five years for fifty years, and will feature Randy as one of the many guests on the line-up.
So tell us, Dr Randy, what exactly is Sammy J suffering from? “He has a chronic case of syphilis which has gone into his lungs. Apparently it’s a hereditary thing.” Really? Isn’t that usually sexually transmitted? “It’s funny because that whole thing of sexually transmitted diseases being passed from mother to child during childbirth, I mean, I’m not saying in the press that Sammy’s mother has syphilis. But I am sort of saying that”. An allegation so outrageous, it does call into question the veracity of the claim he is now sober. Are you drunk right now Randy? “No, I’m high on life,” he responds. “You know what I did, I got rid of one vice. Thing is, when you get rid of one vice, what happens is all the other vices float to the surface. So this show is probably more about me lining up all my ducks of my other vices and seeing whether I’ve got the balls to shoot them or not. There’s a frickin’ quote for ya,” he says of The Last Temptation of Randy.
The show will also feature live music from Melbourne musician Jimmy Stewart (from The Miserable Little Bastards). “It’s like a monologue with interruptions from a pirate convict folk singer,” he says of how he will tell what is essentially a love story. “It’s more about the last temptation being contentment…do I make the decision to settle down and change my evil ways?” he says, but is quick to warn not to expect any schmalz. “Hollywood ending this sucker ain’t got,” he says.
What the show may have, he says, is some liturgical dance. Randy didn’t go to Edinburgh this year (“I took a year off because the idea of going back made me want to eat a plate of my own faeces”) and instead focused on his liturgical dances classes, which “has been a passion of mine for some time but I’ve really decided to knuckle down and take it seriously” he says. “Then next year liturgical dance all the way”.
So this is the final solo show of Randy as a stand up? “This is actually, I’m going into retirement. I’m going to slip into obscurity, become a recluse and live in a cow, just coming out sporadically for liturgical dances”.
BY JOANNE BROOKFIELD
Venue: Lithuanian Club, 44 Errol St, North Melbourne
Dates: September 20 – October 5 (except Mondays)
Times: 7.45pm (Sundays 6.45pm)
Tickets: $18 – $25 from here.
