What was the stupidest rule change introduced into the AFL in 2012, and what would you do about it?
The stupidest rule change is not allowing Visy to play Chris Judd the amount they would do so normally in his role as ambassador for the recycling giant and now we have to put all of it under the salary cap. What would I do about it? Shoot Adrian Anderson in the face – although that wouldn’t solve the problem, so probably negotiate a bit harder, do some under the table dealings, maybe get some advice from John Elliot, or Melbourne, or Essendon, or any other team that’s done it and hasn’t been caught.
At what point in the season did Brett Rattan’s coaching position become untenable …
After round three.
… and what would you have said to the media if you’d been replaced by Mick Malthouse in the same circumstances?
These are curly questions that don’t relate to music – a bit of warning would’ve been good.
Unfortunately, this isn’t 60 Minutes, and you’re not Michael Jackson.
[Adopts falsetto] Oh, I don’t know how to answer these questions! Um, I would have been dignified, because no-one likes a sore loser. Plus, I would’ve just been paid half a million dollars to shut the fuck up. Everyone has their price.
If you were responsible for Carlton’s internal draft choices, whom would you try and recruit?
I’m glad we didn’t get Tippett, because we wouldn’t have him for 11 weeks! I reckon Malthouse did the obvious thing, and not get any new recruits, because we do have enough of what takes to get the job done, we just need a new approach to getting it done. As far as coaches go, I’m not so sure. Brad Green never set my world on fire as a player, so I don’t know – maybe he’ll turn out to be the greatest coach in the world. Far be it from me to judge – I just play bass.
Ricky Ponting has announced his retirement from international cricket. Name your favourite Ponting batting event, and most painful captaincy moment.
Favourite Ponting batting moment was probably at the Bourbon and Beefsteak in Sydney when he got collected, and most disappointing moment as captain was probably losing that Ashes series was my most cringe-worthy Ponting captaincy moment.
Julia Gillard is under close scrutiny for her professional behaviour 20 years ago. What’s the most embarrassing thing you did in the mid ’90s …
Wore shorts on stage.
… and do you think you should be accountable for that now?
Yes.
In 2012, the Chinese Communist Party elected a new leader of the party, and therefore a new Chinese premier. If you were responsible for the conference entertainment program, whom would you have on the bill?
Money For Rope, Minibikes and Sun God Replica. I wouldn’t be doing anything political, other than patting myself on the back, and feathering my own nest.
After Barack Obama’s re-election this year, which outspoken American rock’n’roller declared “pimps, whores and welfare brats and their soulless supporters have a president to destroy America”?
Would that be Ted Nugent?
Indeed it would. Would you agree with that sentiment?
I agree with everything Ted says, for fear of getting shot in the back.
Which famous prize did Serge Haroche and David J Wineland win “for ground-breaking experimental methods that enable measuring and manipulation of individual quantum systems”, and can you explain the relevance of their study to Even’s Christmas show?
The Nobel Prize. And without that study, we simply wouldn’t exist.
Bryce Courtenay died this year. Have you ever admitted to reading The Power Of One, and if so, what impact did it have on Even’s music?
That might be a question for Ashley John Naylor, because he writes the music. I haven’t read it, and even if I had, because I don’t write the music, it wouldn’t have any effect. But I have read the sequel – The Power Of Three.
Two members of the cast of Welcome Back Kotter died in 2012. What is your favourite John Travolta line from the series?
Waht? Who? Where? I’m so confused!
Dick Clark and Levon Helm both died this year. Name three things those two legends had in common.
They were both drummers. They were both American. And they both smoked a lot of pot.
David Bowie turned 65 this year. Do you think his knighthood should be conditional upon renouncing Loving The Alien?
No. You have to take the good with the bad.
If the world does end on 21 December 2012, will Even transform its Christmas party into an End Of The World Party with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on back-up vocals, and plagues of locusts instead of a smoke machine?
No, because we’ll be dead. But just for the tape, the gig’s at The Hi-Fi – possibly our favourite venue in Melbourne – it’s a stellar lineup, with Charles Jenkins and the Zhivagos and The Bedroom Philosopher. Everyone should come along.
BY PATRICK EMERY
