Serves 4
Ingredients:
4 x Burger Buns
2 x 180g blocks Haloumi
375ml cream
4 x Tablespoons green pesto
1 x Small handful of fresh basil
1 x Baby cos lettuce
1 x Tomato
1 x Small red onion
Salt and pepper to taste
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Finely chop your basil and slice up the tomato, onion and cos lettuce into burger sized morsels. While you’re slicing up a storm, Deep Six Textbook, the first track on Let’s Eat Grandma’s debut album, I, Gemini, will be filling your kitchen with seriously dark pop ambience. Cutting up that onion is the best time to cry over your own musical incompetence – being that Let’s Eat Grandma consists of two girls younger than your sister.
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Pre-heat your oven to 180C. While things are getting toasty, have a sway to twee organ, synth and glockenspiel meshed with industrial beats care of second track, Eat Shiitake Mushrooms. The girls also chuck a rap breakdown – jury is out whether this is inventive or hilarious.
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Once the oven is as hot as your dance moves, get those buns in. They only need about 7-8 minutes, you just want them slightly golden with a bit of crunch. Crank up Sax In The City which marries jazz and electronica, while pulsing with a sinister undercurrent.
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After you’ve halved your haloumi into burger-sized portions, do a double-take when the sweet piano intro on Rapunzel leads into grim lyrics “My cat is dead, my father hit me.” Forget the kind of cute, fluffy tracks you’d expect from a couple of teenage girls – Let’s Eat Grandma are creepy as fuck.
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Mix a few of tablespoons of cream with your pesto. Brush on to both sides of your haloumi and set aside. Realise the girls from Let’s Eat Grandma are less Olsen twins and more The Shining.
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Heat a lightly oiled pan to medium heat, and whack in your haloumi slabs. You’ll want to do about 4-5 minutes each side, until cooked through. Meanwhile, layered childlike vocals and ominous synths on Welcome To The Treehouse Pt 1 are hell spooky, yet exceptionally well paced.
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While your haloumi is cooking, mix up a delicious sauce by combining the basil and remaining cream. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Realise Let’s Eat Grandma utilise more instruments on I, Gemini, than the number of ingredients you’ve used for this recipe.
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Assemble! Stack your burgers with the buns, sauce, lettuce, onion, tomato and haloumi. Wonder how a pair of British teens conjured up something so macabre, then warm your soul with these wholesome treats.
