You only need to peruse the endless Einstein creations skirting the streets – are these connoisseurs mentally well? From ramen burgers to breakfast in egg cartons to donut HSPs, here’s a rundown of Melbourne’s most absurd food creations.
Ramen burger
Shizuku have been trailblazers of Japanese food for years. Their uni sake shooters, maple raw blue crab and grilled octopus balls are attracting plenty of left-field diners, nevertheless, it’s the ramen burger turning the most heads. Sandwiching pork belly cubes, pickles and the rest is a noodle bun. Yes that’s right. A bun made of fried noodles forming the foundation of this futuristic delight. Jump in.
Shizuku, 309 Victoria Street, Abbotsford
Baked beans pizza
Thinking of alternative, strange garnishes to adorn a pizza, the ingredients of cream cheese, pumpkin and wasabi immediately spring to mind. Never in my wildest state of consciousness would my mind manifest the idea of baked bean pizza nonetheless. Down at Mojos Weird Pizza, they specialise in this stuff and if your desire for the Dogs Breakfast can’t be tamed, you’ll be presented with a combination of bacon, cheese, egg, mushrooms, onion, pork sausage, HP sauce and… baked beans. Yummo.
Mojos Weird Pizza, 384 Queens Parade, Clifton Hill
Cookie dough doughnut sandwich
What’s superfluous in syllables is grandiose in flavour. Try say cookie dough doughnut sandwich four times over and you’re tongue might have a seizure. Nevertheless, the abbreviation’s here – trundle into Bistro Morgan and utter the CD sandwich and they’ll know what you’re talking about. This God’s gift of a sweet is the brainchild of doughnut king Morgan Hipworth, who’s found that chocolate chip, triple choc and apple cinnamon are the best ice-cream fillers to this moment. Yet the cauldron’s bubbling.
Bistro Morgan, 190 High Street, Prahran
Doughnut HSP
When the original HSP grabbed Melbourne’s food-adventurous community by the scruff of the neck just a year ago, it seemed as if the moon had been reached; there was no further up. That’s when Pizzeria Express found their wing. Revolutionising the traditional chips, lamb, sauce combo, the Ringwood favourites erected a doughnut, chocolate bar, sweet sauce stack. If your imagination’s a bit hazy, think of Cold Rock but with doughnuts. At the moment, there’s Oreo, Mars, Boost, Kinder and Snickers varieties skirting earth’s closest planet. Jeepers.
Pizzeria Express, 87 Loughnan Road, Ringwood
Sushi burger
Tsuta Sushi have taken the sushi burger legacy of Melbourne’s late Café J and propelled it to new heights. The Japanese restaurant focusses a corner of its menu to the great creation with appetisers including a sweet chili chicken burger, grilled tofu burger, panko prawn burger and its holy grail – the chicken katsu with mayo burger, yaaas.
Tsuta Sushi, Shop C, 389 Lonsdale Street, CBD
Breakfast in an egg carton
Lack the organisational awareness in the morning to prepare your breaky. Jump into Stepping Stone on the way to work and grab it on the dash… in a self-contained egg carton. Pairing bread slithers with dippy eggs, bacon, avocado and beetroot relish, the Kiss and Run Soldiers is your most delicious and practical breakfast for when time ain’t your friend.
Stepping Stone, 68 River Street
Bangers & mash jaffle
Bad Frankie’s lammo toastie is the greatest justice to Australiana this side of the Murray, yet, it’s their bangers & mash variation that’s been tickling the British roots on recent feasting jaunts. It’s as if Queen Elizabeth herself has perched up on a chair right beside you – pork sausage, onion jam, strictly wholemeal bread on the bottom with mash on top. Don’t forget the gravy and the cheesy grin the waiter gives you as they lay down the plate.
Bad Frankie, 141 Greeves Street, Fitzroy
Chicken & waffle burger
Guerillas as much as they’re gorillas, Gorilla Grill are freedom fighters stretching the boundaries of conservative dining. Once a food truck, the connoisseurs have stilted their legs and set up shop in Maribyrnong with a fervour for experimentation. The chicken & waffle burger is their most adventurous menu member – two waffles serving as shelter for fried chicken, cheese, bacon, spicy mayo and golden syrup. It’s a heartbeat holter but I see the gleam in your eye.
Gorilla Grill, 36 Edgewater Boulevard, Maribyrnong
Sushi burrito
Want to take Asian Fusion to a new level? Design a sushi taco. Want to blow conceptions of the cuisine out the door? Create a sushi burrito. This is it, never have Japan and Mexico been closer together than in Sash’s Windsor kitchen. If you’re a little confused, picture a sushi roll with all your favourite goodies inside with bread not nori as the exterior. Their sashimi trio burrito is flying out the door while their South Cali salmon poke variation looks fantastic.
Sash Japanese, 113 Chapel Street, Windsor
Mac ‘n’ cheese fries
Burgertory’s burger menu is titled ‘7 Deadly Sins’ with each of its members named after a biblical wrongdoing. Immediately, you’re questioning whether you’ll get out of the restaurant alive and then you see someone seated hooking into a fries and mac ‘n’ cheese stack – is Satan around the corner? It’s so wrong it’s right – homemade m&c adorns crispy thin cut chips with some special herbs and spices on top. Presented in a narrow black bucket, this is a food porno’s dream.
Burgertory, 309 High Street, Kew
Watermelon ice cream sandwiches
As spring 20’s turn into summer 30’s, many of the temperature lowering appetisers you turned to during September, October and beyond just won’t suffice. The brow’s still dripping so Milkcow has invented the watermelon ice cream sandwich to unite two powers in the struggle against the sweat. How did we not think of this earlier? They’ve cut out the middle slither of the fruit to cater for some vegan and dairy-free watermelon ice cream. A sprinkling of Himalayan sea salt on top and you’ve got yourself a stellar summer sensation.
Milkcow, 287 Swanston Street, CBD
