The themed bars that Melbourne needs and probably already has...
1. The Hottest 100 Bar: where everyone complains about what’s playing on the jukebox even though they didn’t put a dollar in.
2. The Chopper Bar: where no cash is kept on premises.
3. The Weezer Bar: where the night starts off great but then turns really fucking bad.
4. The Game of Thrones Bar: where all of your friends die.
5. The Sydney Bar: where you’re not allowed in after 1.30am unless you want to play the pokies.
6. The Crust-Punk Bar: where it changes location every three months to avoid paying the rent.
7. The Music Journalism Bar: where everyone thinks they’re more important than they actually are.
8. The Tony Abbott Bar: where the only thing on the menu is onions and you’re kicked out after half your drink.
9. The #stopkony Bar: where everyone loses interest in it after a week.
10. The Nanny Bar: where it’s got style, it’s got flair, it’s there. Also all servers are extremely sassy.
11. The Melbourne Themed Bar For Themed Bar Lovers: where Inception is played on the screens.
12. The Clive Palmer Bar: where you rack up a huge bill and make everyone else pick it up.
13. The Beat Magazine Bar: where you shamelessly self-promote yourself.
14. The Franco Cozzo Bar: where it’s a franchise, there’s one in Foot-a-scray and Brunswick, and the furniture is part of the furniture.
15. The Friday After Work Drinks Bar: where everyone from your work is there and you talk about work. Riveting.
16. The Shane Warne Bar: where there’s fake tan and bleach in the bathroom and inexplicably beautiful women around everywhere.
17. The Shannon Noll Bar: where you’re always second in line and you end up getting robbed.
18. The Brendan Fevola Bar: where everything is a urinal.
19. The Toadie Bar: no real reason needed for this, seriously someone do it.
20. The Meme Bar: where everyone is already in on the joke and people just snigger quietly in the corner.
21. The Australian Open Bar: where all the locals leave early.
22. The Ticket Inspector Bar: where everyone wears clothes they are clearly not comfortable in.
23. The Coldplay Bar: where everyone would probably think it’s pretty good if it wasn’t so popular.
24. The El Chapo Bar: where if your date goes really badly there’s an escape tunnel hidden in the bathroom.
25. The Rex Hunt Bar: where there’s footy on the telly and fish on the menu. Yibbida yibbida, that’s all folks!
