Tertiary Links

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A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot." Need some more strings in your...

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All dressed up and nowhere to go? Spend your Friday nights in the fashion world of Jean Paul Gaultier. Let style and music take over as DJs and bands take to the stage alongside pop-up talks, bars and dining at the NGV. We are giving one lucky person a chance to win a golden ticket; giving them a double pass to Friday Nights At Jean Paul Gaultier for the rest of the season. Incredible prize,...

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Sunday morning, take the train for a ride. The sun is up you got your homies by your side. We’re giving you the chance to roll with your homies at the Victorian Roller Derby Grand Final. Sunday November 23 at Darebin Community Sports Stadium you can catch all the action of Australia's No. 1 ranked roller derby league. Tell us the best roller derby nickname you've ever heard for your chance to...

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For their third instalment, Down on the Farm are bringing back Aussie rock, cork hats and the eternally stylish mullet. With an epic lineup fronted by Warped, Drunk Mums and Cosmic Psychos the only real question is – Where the bloody hell are ya? Down on the Farm goes down Saturday, November 22 at Emu Plains Racecourse, Balnarring. If you want to win a double passes tell us why you're in dire...

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Stereosonic is returning for another two-day blockbuster event later this year and luckily for you, if you can't afford a ticket from Ticketmaster, we have a double pass to give away (for both the Saturday and Sunday, tickets are non-transferrable and the event is 18+). The 2014 lineup features some of the biggest names in...

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Would you rather, never have sex for the rest of your life or never listen to music for the rest of your life? If honestly, sex wasn’t really on the cards anyway, then your life just got a whole lot easier. We’re not quite Beats by Dr. Dre but we are Beat Mag and we have a killer pair of LSTN Beech Wood Troubadour Headphones to give away. Each pair of LSTN headphones is individually...

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Inspired by the Finnish 'open dialogue' treatment method, The Eradication of Schizophrenia in Western Lapland uses an ambitious split staging technique, where the action and dialogue from two different sequences of scenes are simultaneously performed to two different groups of audience in the same space, to produce an experience of auditory hallucination. Conjuring both a comic, delusional...

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Last week, Melbourne ska-punkers The Bennies ‘Photobonged’ their way to international fame. If you’re music career is lacking some of the lung capacity 420 calls for or you’re interested in some professional insight from the best of the industry, head to the 2014 Face the Music conference. As a budding musician we understand dollars can be non-existent so like legends, we are giving away a...

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Last Monday eve, a random car drove past my house, promplty pulling up out the front asking if we had a nanganator. They might have had better luck driving past the residence of the Drunk Mums. Their new single Nanganator is two minutes of fast-paced, infectious music that can only, properly be enjoyed accompianed by the stage antics and styling moves of Drunk mums. Get loose and get down to...

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In a crappy little pub down in Melbourne’s north-west, you will find all sorts of people. One particular man, dressed to the nines in Dada, claims he is a sniper from the Philippines and on the rare occasion, he’ll sing you a rap. He’s not a very good rapper and in general, he’s full of shit. Five Mile Sniper are not real snipers but they are real kickin’ indie rockers from Melbourne town....

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How do surfers say “hi” to each other? They wave... Are you looking for a far more creative fusion of music and surfing than a cheesy joke in Beat? Andrew Kidman’s new film Spirit of Akasha,blends the realms of surfing, music and filmmaking. On November 7 Hamer Hall is presenting a screening of Spirit of Akasha, which is a tribute to classic surf movie Morning of the Earth. The film features...

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Halloween's origins date back 2000 years ago to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain. The Celts adorned themselves with animal skins and lit fires to ward away evil spirits. These days, girls adorn themselves with animal ears and possess demon spirits in a Facebook album of head-tilted evil. If you treasure the time when Halloween was less slutty and more scary, we have a bunch of double...

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My Mistress is the first feature film from Australian director, Stephen Lance which is an unconventional and provocative love story in which an infatuation between a vulnerable teenage romantic Charlie and S&M mistress Maggie soon becomes something more dangerous. Starring AFI Award –winning actor Harrison Gilbertson (Tim Winton's The Turning) and acclaimed French actress Emmanuelle Beart...

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The Penny Arcade Expo (PAX) is returning to Australia next week. This year's PAX Aus will feature more than 100 panels across six theatres, featuring everything from Q&As, game demonstrations, quiz shows, cultural discussions, how-to lessons, concerts and more. It will be held at the Melbourne Convention and Exhibition Centre from Friday October 31 to Sunday November 2. We have a double...

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Life Like Company have announced a new production of Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine’s Tony Award winning musical Passion, for four nights this November. Passion transports audiences to a remote military outpost in 1863 Italy, where army captain Giorgio has become separated from his beautiful - but married – mistress, Clara. He is forced to re-evaluate his beliefs about love when he becomes...

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There are very few arts companies like Big hART – an organisation that embodies the belief that making great art while also creating social change is not only a possibility, but a vital necessity. Throughout its 22-year history, Big hART has created a remarkable body of film and documentary works that give voice to our nation’s invisible and forgotten. Presented by Big Hart and ACMI in...

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I’ve been getting really into UFC and Aussie hip hop lately, purely because my housemate plays both of them frequently. Earlier this week Tony Abbott escalated the war on words with Vladimir Putin, promising he would “shirtfront” him, when they meet at the G20 summit in Brisbane next month. I’d really like to see Abbott take on Putin in an UFC match hosted by Aussie MC, producer and multi-...

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Few Aus­tralian fes­ti­vals attempt to show­case local garage, noise and punk music with as much feroc­ity as the orga­niz­ers of The Blurst Of Times. Pre­vi­ously it was an event held only in Bris­bane, but this year the orga­niz­ers have expanded the fes­ti­val and will be hold­ing events in both Mel­bourne and Syd­ney as well. Featuring headliners DZ Deathrays along­side sem­i­nal Aus­...

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In 2006 the boys from Bonjah booked a one-way ticket from New Zealand to Melbourne with nothing more than guitars and the packs on their backs. The band started off playing in the streets, living off a nutritious diet of Weet-bix and canned peaches. Eight years on and Bonjah have sold tens of thousands of records independently, and played sold out shows around the world, earning millions of...

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The latest piece by strikingly original Italian company Dewey Dell, Marzo,  takes its name from the month of March, which since ancient times has represented the month of war. Evoking the gamut of human conflict and emotion, Marzo’s uncanny and bizarre beings move in an icy landscape amid threatening sounds, playing out their story of good and evil; love and hate; and war and peace. A...

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Lezbihonest, Jessica Alba, Eva Green and Rosario Dawson are all dames I’d probably kill for. But just when you didn’t think this babe-fest could get any bigger, Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller throw in Josh Brolin and Joseph Gordon-Levitt to make up not even half the cast of Sin City: A Dame to Kill For. Here at Beat we don’t condone violence but hit us up to win a double pass to the...

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Chopped is drag racing where it started, less in the ghetto backstreets of Keilor East and more in the dirt. It’s the hottest three days of the best traditional hot rods, dirt drags, customs, bobbers, vintage speedways and live rock, all in one mammoth festival. Headlining this huge event are the Cosmic Psychos, alongside Intoxica, King Salami & The Cumberland 3 and Mesa Cosa to name a few...

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The Marionettes are an eight-piece funk/soul band from Melbourne. Featuring original tunes written by jazz pianist/composer Fionn O’Sullivan, as well as one of Melbourne’s leading big-band composers and saxophonist Rob Simone, coupled with the soulful sounds of Lorraine Salvador on vocals, The Marionettes are ready to funk the house down with their new album Can’t Wait For The Weekend....

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Performing a series of newly composed pieces for electro-acoustic violin and loop station, Through the Looping Glass explores the relationship between contemporary classical music and modern technology. Discover what happens when composers and performers are challenged by the parameters of the loop station. This solo performance by international violinist Helen Bower features compositions from...

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Another savagely comic work from Neil Labute about the perfidy of the human beast. Four repugnant characters, four far-too-recognisable relationships, insults that draw blood, raunchy sexual slurs, face-crushing fights and the death of an innocent pet fish. 
Venue: The Wilde, 153 Gertrude Street, Fitzroy
Dates: September 28 - October 4 (except Monday)
Times: 8pm (extra show at...

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Dr. Pam Rana is here to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on our social psyche which is being choked by a cultural meatball known as Kim Kardashian. The doctor will perform this emergency procedure en masse, freeing neural pathways by creating a forceful expulsion of air and sound (also known as laughter). In this side-splitting multimedia slide show she will dissect how eco-catastrophes are...

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Beatlemania is set to sweep Melbourne again when the musical comedy show A Hard Day's Night of Beatles Parodies hits the stage. The show will be a Magical Mystery Tour where The Beatles' timeless tunes Come Together with amusing, clever lyrics from musical funny man Stew Walker. Stew's Beatles parodies poke fun at modern life – from myki, hipsters and politicians to celebrities, ageing and...

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Show Stopper, a solo show by queer artist Agent Cleave, takes its name from a song by the remorselessly independent singer/songwriter Peaches. “I got her blessing and her respect to call this Show Stopper,” says performer, gender bender and provocateur, ‘drag assassin’ Agent Cleave. Cleave worked alongside Peaches for six years, opening shows in front of thousands and thousands of fans,...

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When I was in Grade Four I read Parvana’s Journey. Inspired by the story of a young girl's journey in search of her family, somewhere in war-ravaged Afghanistan, I decided to write my own version in English class. Seeing as I’ve lived in Melbourne my whole life, I really had nothing to go off and it basically ended up a shortened version of the story with my name in place of Parvana’s. Luckily...

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Apparently, there are people writing about music outside of the hallowed halls here at Beat. Christian Ryan has put together a bunch of these pieces featuring tales of rock’n’roll mischief, mayhem and mystery, all authored by a luminary collection of Australia’s finest music writers. so tell us your best mischievious musical tale to claim a copy of this must-have slice of Aussie music history...

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