Dave Hughes
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Dave Hughes

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“I also wanted to leave a job spectacularly. I remember I worked at Woolies back in the ‘80s and I hated my boss, hated him with the passion. He swapped me from fruit and veg to the trolley which was a promotion I didn’t feel I deserved. My big plan, which I dreamed about over the weeks, was to quit in front of all the cash registers and in front of all the customers, and tell him he’s a real arsehole so everyone could see the boss of Woolies was a bastard, but I pulled out of it, I didn’t have the guts for it, so I ended up quitting very quietly”.

Dave Hughes’ hilarious, colloquial comedic style in his trademark Aussie intonation has resulted in the demand for his broadcasting services across several media and genres, from the aforementioned radio show to news program The Project to football entertainment show Before The Game. With so many commitments, all Hughesy is asking for is to skip some shitty, otiose meetings.

“Look I’m having thoughts now in my head: ‘How can I get in there later in the day?’ I’m thinking there’s meetings I don’t need to be at. So I’m really thinking about looking at the managers in the next couple of days and saying, ‘Guys, I think I get there too early. I think I need to get there later in the day’. It does eat up a lot of the day so I’m definitely deciding in my own brain so I think I can get there later”.

With two children and a third on the way in February, time has become an even more precious commodity for Hughesy.

“Mate I do have time during the day generally. During the middle of the day I generally I have time. [My wife] complains about it, I’m not gonna deny that, but I say most bloody dads work 40-50 hours a week and they don’t see their kids at all and on the weekends they play golf and go riding their bikes for bloody six hours. They see me at least once a day during the day, and I haven’t played golf in bloody five years! So I think I should be father of the year, basically”.

Hughesy is an avid user of Twitter, and a quick perusal of his feed will return not only his clever quips but also bizarre and creepy questions from his followers, including one that hauntingly asked, “What brand is your DVD player?”

“It’s funny when you’re sitting down at a café or something and you check your Twitter and someone says, ‘I’m watching you right now’ and you look around to see who the fuck is talking to you. Because I check so often, it’s like everyone has my actual direct phone number so they contact me every time. So I think people know when I’m on my phone I’m probably checking Twitter so if they are within seeing distance they know they can actually talk to me via Twitter so that’s quite funny to have people telling you they’re looking at you and describing what shirt you’re wearing and stuff.

“I’ve been out of the book for bloody years now so I almost expect it. I’m pretty relaxed about everything, I’m happy to be looked at. I had a very proud moment recently. Someone told me I was in Woman’s Day and I open Woman’s Day and there was a [paparazzi] photo of me with my two kids in a park, an actual proper pap photo so I had no idea they were there. I had no idea who they were looking for but they ended up getting me. That was a proud moment in my life. Actually Carrie Bickmore complains about it, she says, ‘The bloody photographers are down there’ and I’m like, ‘Where are they? I’ll go down there’.”

This week, Hughesy will return to the stand-up stage in a new national tour with the help of one of his most talented comedy writers: his three-year-old son.

“[My kids] definitely feature. Definitely a big change in my life so there’s a lot of comedy associated with it. Whenever your life changes you have more things to talk about. I wanna get all the jokes out before they’re old enough to realise what I’m doing.

“My son’s favourite thing – he’s three – he’s favourite thing to say is, ‘Dad, I need something special for my mouth’. It’s sounds dodgy coming from an adult but from a three-year-old it’s very sweet.”

BY NICK TARAS