TL;DR This Month In Cinema: All Of May's Biggest Movie Trailers In One Place
All trailers must go! Dear readers, your beloved TL;DR will be taking a month-long sabbatical over the course of May, but fret not! Do you really think I'd leave you bereft of any access to trailers, release info and snappily-worded if unsolicited opinions for a whole month? I'm not a monster, you guys.
So here for your delectation and delight is every flipping movie coming out this month.
Judging films by their trailers: it's what I do. Soak it up.
BAD NEIGHBOURS 2: SORORITY RISING
Seth Rogen's particular kind of faux good-natured slapstick farce is not a schtick I find particularly appealing, but hell, if you liked Bad Neighbours, what's not to like here? Aside from sexism, obviously. More of the same, yo.
FLORENCE FOSTER JENKINS
Hang on, isn't this just Marguerite with Meryl Streep? We've already seen a movie about how Streep can't sing: Into The Woods (yuk yuk yuk). Even the trailer's too much. Hugh Grant is in it and can all of the text please stop glinting?
I'll watch almost anything that boasts both Bill Nighy and Mark Gatiss, even if it has been described as "a waste of talent" and "kind of pointless".
THE MAN WHO KNEW INFINITY
Dev Patel, the only Indian in the world, takes on a biopic because the Oscars were too white this year. Also stars Jeremy Irons and Stephen Fry. Maths movies have worked in the past, but don't expect true revelation.
Duck on down to your local Palace and check out this Italian Academy Award-winning drama that sees a director (Margherita Buy) struggling with her latest film as her mother slowly dies in hospital. Also stars John Turturro who brings in some much-needed comedy.
THE ANGRY BIRDS MOVIE
why the fuck is this happening. also this.
THE FIRST MONDAY IN MAY
An insane documentary following the highs and lows of preparing a fashion show at immense expense. As we're in the middle of sorting through our own country's rather graphic class war, this may be poorly timed?
THE FREE STATE OF JONES
Learn how to secede from your horrifically fascist government with Academy Award-winning gruntsmith Matthew McConaughey. Subtitle: How To Be A Confederate But Not A Piece Of Shit.
WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT
Before Margot Robbie kits out as Harley Quinn for Suicide Squad, she's taking a trip east to play a reporter in Afghanistan, stationed there when the very green Tina Fey arrives. If Fey is able to treat the situation with some tact, this could be an exciting comedy and a real eye-opener.
In the below average Self/Less, Ben Kingsley has his consciousness dumped into Ryan Reynolds' body. In Criminal, Reynolds' mind is dumped into Kevin Costner, with predictably shooty results. Also stars Gary Oldman, Tommy Lee Jones reprising his The Fugitive role and Gal Gadot because she got bored waiting for Wonder Woman screentime.
(Redband trailer: contains violence and naughty words used with gusto)
A Key & Peele movie?! GODDAMN, SON. Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele made a name for themselves through Comedy Central and YouTube with their cinematic sketches, and are now taking to the big screen with a tale of two middle-class Americans having to play gangster to save Peele's new cat, Keanu. N-words a-go-go.
The definition of chick-flick: Susan Sarandon plays a widowed mother whose empty-nest syndrome manifests as meddling in the lives of her daughter (Rose Byrne) and her daughter's friends. She does however, meet J.K. Simmons along the way, who we can only hope is secretly playing Cave Johnson.
Marvel's end-of-days occurs entirely on James McAvoy's scalp, as we finally discover how he came to be the shiny-headed Professor X we all know and love (i.e. Patrick Stewart). Oh, and also Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac) is gonna destroy the world with the help of Michael Fassbender.
ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
Look, it's about as close as we're ever going to get to American McGee's video game, and that's a sad truth. Alice (Mia Wasikowska) cracked it a bit after the last film (didn't we all) and is heading back down the rabbit hole to fix up her brain place. Seems like further exposure to Johnny Depp is kind of a bad idea...
HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE
Taika Waititi's last flick, What We Do In The Shadows, was hands-down the funniest film of the year. This one pits Sam Neill against "youth court regular" Julian Dennison and guarantees Wes Anderson-style shenanigans with Noo Zulland accents. Two tickets please.
THE NICE GUYS
If you haven't seen Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, drop what you're doing and watch it. Then GET EXCITED for Shane Black to team up with Ryan Gosling and sure-why-not level casting in Russell Crowe in basically the same film. BUT IN THE SEVENTIES.
Now that you've had your entertainment, it's time to catch up on the shit our government's been doing, and not even behind our backs. Face the reality of life in Nauru as filmed in secret by extremely brave observational filmmakers. Maybe this will be the catalyst for change. Maybe not.
Chasing Asylum, Keanu and The Hunt For The Wilderpeople would top my list on any given week, as perhaps would X-Men: Apocalypse. But I am off to explore the world for a bit, and will have to binge them all on my return. Stay curious, cinemagoers!